The Cousland Duty
by zevgirl
Summary: Duty's Burden prequel: "When you contemplate about all that, you arrive at a varied and contradictory set of thoughts about the purpose of your life, yes?" She was raised to be dutiful, but to what end?
1. Eager for Action

_**Disclaimer- All characters, settings, etc. belong to Bioware and the Dragon Age franchise. **_

_A/N: Welcome to the beginning of Elissa Cousland's journey through the Blight. It will follow the basic Origins plot line, with some twists and turns to keep it interesting. As she battles her way around Ferelden, I plan to focus on the relationships she forms with certain party members, and how those relationships have an effect on her decisions, thoughts and obligations to the Grey Wardens. This first chapter is not particularly angsty, but it's coming. Subsequent chapters will feature much more angst and drama. Many thanks to my beta, Biff McLaughlin! Her grammar skills and input are invaluable._

_Comments/reviews are appreciated, and thanks for reading!_

* * *

**The Cousland Duty **

**Chapter 1: Eager for Action**

"_Aw, don't cry, Liss. I'll be back. I promise." _

"_Swear it. Swear you'll come back to Highever, Nate." _

"_For you, Liss, I swear I will be back. I charged Gilmore to watch over you while I'm gone. Besides, the Free Marches aren't as far away as they look on the map." _

"_You might as well be going to the Donarks! You will write to me, won't you?" _

"_Of course. And when I return, I want to see long, feminine nails on those hands of yours. No more chewing them down to nubs, alright? Take care of yourself, my lovely Liss." _

"_Kiss me, Nate. Just once more, so you don't forget…" _

"_I will never forget…" _

A light mist was falling; minuscule beads of rainwater dampened her eyelids as they fluttered. Two faces hovered above Elissa Cousland, staring at her with bulging eyes. In silence, they listened to the high-pitched moans and unformed words that spouted from her lips. Her mouth began to twist in agony, releasing a different sound, a piercing and wounded cry that quickly reached the men's ears.

"_Rory, I won't leave you. I can't, not like this!" _

"_You must, Lissy. It's my duty to protect the castle, to hold the gates. Please, get to safety, whatever it takes. I can't bear the thought of you being captured…or worse." _

"_Duty be damned, Rory!" _

"_Come, Elissa! We've no time!" _

"_Mother, we can't leave Rory behind!" _

"_Listen to me! You have my heart, Lissy, now and always." _

"_I can't accept this, Rory. I beg you, please come with us. You're my best friend, my only friend, now…please?" _

"_I don't know why I never told you, but…I love you, Lissy, I always have." _

"_No, Rory…I won't leave! Let me go, Mother! Rory…I love you too. Rory! Rory!" _

"Duncan, what is she saying?" Alistair whispered. "Something about…roaring? The Roaring River maybe?"

_An unfortunate turn of events for the young knight_, Duncan thought. _In death, sacrifice_. He did not acknowledge Alistair's question; his dark and steady gaze never left his newest recruit.

Elissa roused, groaning softly and blinking away her former state of unconsciousness. An attempt to swallow left her gagging on the coppery taste of the darkspawn blood still coating the inside of her mouth. Coughing as she came out of the stupor, she smelled the strong aroma of smoky dampness mingling with sweat and musk. Once her eyes focused, she saw concern on the two vaguely familiar faces; where was she again?

Then, she heard _him_ speak.

"Elissa? You made it! Thank the Maker!" Alistair blew out a heavy breath and gave her hand a quick squeeze. In that instant, she knew exactly which pair of eyes was boring into her own. The warmth and relief in his gaze was instantly recognizable.

With both hands, her long fingers instinctively tucked unruly hairs behind her ears, and Alistair noticed that her hands were quite large for a woman, and strong, with a few scars on her knuckles. Her nails were short, too short from nervous biting that he had seen on occasion the past week. An unkempt, long blonde braid trailed down past her shoulders, a slight wave becoming more apparent as the drizzle fell.

"Thank you, Alistair…I think." As she sat up, Elissa held her temples, each fingertip searing her skin like a glowing brand pulled from a blacksmith's forge. "Ungh…oh, my head...it's on fire."

Alistair smiled at Duncan and raked his fingers through his sandy hair, holding out his other hand, palm open. "See? I knew she'd live, Duncan….ten silvers, please."

"W-what? You placed bets? That seems a bit…inappropriate," she snarled.

Duncan nodded twice. "It is. I only went along with it to keep Alistair from prattling on with worry."

"Hey! I was not worried! I just…well, okay, maybe a little, but not because I don't think you have what it takes to be a Grey Warden." The young man squared his shoulders and lifted his chin, breathing in deeply.

"Welcome, Sister," the Commander announced with pride. "You are now one of us, a Grey Warden." Elissa remained silent, keeping her gaze on Alistair's tawny eyes.

Each man took an arm and lifted Elissa to her feet, and she sneered, shaking off Duncan's helping hand with a grunt. "Maker's breath, my skull is pounding. Are you sure you didn't step on me, Alistair? Your foot was awfully close to my head." Elissa stared back at her fellow Warden, straight-faced.

"No! Of course not!"

A little smile emerged, and Elissa tilted her head in Alistair's direction, playfulness alight in her blue eyes.

"Oh, that was a joke. Ho, ho. Aren't you the comedienne," he grumbled. A soft chuckle came from Duncan as he bobbed his head in appreciation of her teasing.

Alistair ignored the urge to even the score with Elissa, his concern for her well-being taking precedence. "Your sense of humor seems to have returned. That must mean you're feeling a little better, right? Or do you need to sit down and rest? Here, let me help me you." With gentle hands on her shoulders, Alistair began to take Elissa to a stone bench when Duncan interrupted.

"Stop fawning over Elissa, Alistair." Taking a step back, Alistair was slightly disappointed he couldn't comfort her more as Duncan motioned toward the stairs leading to the main camp. "Take her to the Magi encampment and have Wynne check her over. You should both have something to eat, as well. We will move on with preparations for the battle later. For now, take some time to relax and adjust to your new home, Elissa."

Elissa scowled. _Home? Not my home_. "I'm fine, Duncan. You concern is touching, but save it for someone who needs it," she barked back.

"He's only looking out for you, Elissa. Give him a break," Alistair asserted in a hushed voice.

Past reprimands echoed through her mind, her father's words, so powerful and noble. _Show respect, Pup. We are Couslands and we do what must be done_. Elissa cast somber eyes on their Commander as he stood before her, reserved. "Please forgive my quick words, Duncan," was all she offered and he nodded once, hardly a smile on his lips.

"Here, take my arm and I'll bring you to Wynne, and then we can have a proper meal before meeting with Duncan again."

As Alistair linked his arm with Elissa's, Duncan's eyes widened with delight. The quick trust that had developed between the junior Wardens confirmed what Duncan had thought all along; they would be a perfect pairing in battle, and in friendship.

* * *

"So Elissa, I didn't think to ask before, but do you have a nickname? You seem like a…hm, how about I call you 'Lissy'?" Alistair raised his brows, blinking as he smiled at her.

"No." She looked at him stern-faced, eyes narrowed, and she raised her voice to him. "My name is Elissa, and that is how you should address me, got it?"

He winced at her unexpected tone. "Okay, okay. Just making conversation." Then he pouted, wounded by her snapped answer and instantly, Elissa felt guilty.

She chastised herself silently. _Stupid…big mouth...and he's so sweet and…handsome_. "I'm sorry, Alistair. I didn't mean to shout at you. I just…I don't like nicknames."

Alistair saw a hint of sadness in her uneasy smile and wondered what had happened to make her dislike nicknames, of all things_. How odd_, Alistair thought. He changed the subject.

"Jory _and_ Daveth, I can't believe they _both_ died," he sighed. "Only one died at my Joining. You survived though. You're strong and determined, aren't you?" Alistair's lop-sided smile did not diminish Elissa's sudden resentment.

"Jory had a wife, and she was with child. Duncan could have easily pinned him and forced him to drink, rather than run him through like some common criminal. At least he would have had the chance to die with some semblance of honor."

"There's no turning back and you know that." Alistair's eyes lowered and he grimaced. "And Duncan couldn't risk letting Jory go and make the Joining public knowledge."

"Right. Whatever it takes to end the Blight." Elissa wiped the rainwater from her forehead with a tattered cloth before balling it up in a tight fist. "I just hope Duncan arranged for his family somehow. They shouldn't have to suffer because Jory was led to believe he would serve a higher purpose, only to die a traitor's death. "

Alistair's frown deepened, his voice lowering defensively. "It wasn't like that. Jory drew first and Duncan had no choice."

"There is always a choice, Alistair," she pointed out and shoulders fell. "Ah, Jory didn't seem like Warden material to me anyway. I was really thinking about what his family will do now that he's gone." In unison, the Wardens blew out a loud breath of frustration.

"Well, we can ask Duncan about sending something to his family, I suppose." Elissa shrugged as she brushed a hair from her eye and then rolled her head around her shoulders. Alistair heard a few cracks come from her neck as they stood together near the Magi encampment. "Are you feeling any better?"

"I guess I am, but…I'm starving. Can we get something to eat? " She swiped the balled cloth across her forehead again, preventing the rainwater from dripping into her eyes. "Somewhere with shelter to get us out of this rain shower?"

"Of course." He pointed towards the tent used as the cookhouse, and they began to walk together. "You must have some questions, and now that you're a Warden," Alistair lowered his head and whispered, "I can tell you all of our secrets."

"Ow!" Elissa froze, her hand moving to her chin, and she rubbed along the side of her jaw. "Ow, that smarts."

"What just happened?" His brows knitted together in confusion. "Are you alright?"

"Yes, it's just my tooth…sometimes I get this sharp pain, like an arrow going through my cheek." She opened and closed her mouth a few times, resetting her jaw's alignment. "But the pain is dulling now."

"Ew, that sounds awful. I understand vinegar and mint work well to reduce the ache. Maybe you should have someone look at it, Elissa, or…pull it. You know, if you don't take care of it, all your teeth will fall out, and then you'll look soooo ugly."

"Thanks, but no thanks. It's fine. No one is pulling a tooth out of _this _mouth any time soon," she said pointing at her jaw. Then she punched him in the arm, hard.

"Ow!" Rubbing his arm, he gave her a quizzical look. "What was that for?"

"Now we're even…pain wise." Alistair mirrored her mischievous smile as they headed for the cookhouse.

After securing their meals, they sat side by side on a bench where a low-slung tarp protected them from the rain. They ate venison stew with enthusiasm and Alistair enlightened her with Grey Warden facts in between mouthfuls: the ravenous appetite, the stamina in battle, the sensing of the darkspawn, the Archdemon, and above all, the joy that filled his heart because he was one of the elite few.

With her legs crossed, one leg dangling over the other and in constant, circular motion, Alistair watched Elissa's reactions, aware that she was fascinated by his knowledge of the history of Blights and Grey Wardens of past Ages. He decided to forego explaining about the Calling. Both of them were content, and the atmosphere was light and cheerful. She was a captive audience.

_Oh, and, by the way, that blood you drank is actually a poison and you only have about 30 years to live, and then you go to the Deep Roads to kill darkspawn who will eventually rip you to shreds before you get to slay them all_.

No. _That_ conversation would keep.

Elissa never took her eyes off him, save for the occasional need to locate her food, hearing what he said but not absorbing the information readily. She admired this man, with his caring and compassionate ways, always kind and attentive to her needs. He was extraordinarily handsome too, quite possibly the most handsome man she had ever laid eyes on. He reminded her of Rory at times, naïve, but so brave, and her heart ached to think of her best friend, but Alistair was a man, not a boy. He was the epitome of a great warrior, robust and powerful, yet so wholesome, seemingly untouched by the cruel world in which they lived. _What woman in her right mind wouldn't like this man?_ she thought.

"And that's why you're all so special? That's it? Because I'm feeling kind of…anxious, or maybe I feel, you know…" She paused and nibbled on some bread, looking at him curiously before wiggling her eyebrows suggestively. "_You_ know..."

"Hm? Oh! I…yes, there is often, um…well, I've _heard _that the taint can increase your…desire and stamina for..." Elissa stared at him wide-eyed, watching the redness in his cheeks spread to his ears. "Are you going to make me say it?" he whispered.

Elissa burst out laughing. "Oh, Alistair, you are so cute when you're embarrassed!"

"Riiiight. And you think I'm strange." Alistair glanced around nervously.

"To be honest, I feel like I've just sparred for hours. I'm nauseous and tired, but nervous at the same time. I only said that to get a reaction from you." She set her bowl down on the bench and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand.

"Great. Do I seem that innocent? No! Don't' answer that! Um…let's go back to Duncan, before-"

"Before I do this?" Alistair couldn't respond quickly enough as Elissa gave him a chaste peck on the cheek. "Thanks." She pulled back and smiled at the stunned Warden. "Alistair? Hello, Alistair?"

He shook his head, his lips moving with no sound. "What…why did you do that?" he asked, narrowing his brows.

Elissa's smile faded, and she suddenly felt awkward. "I thought…Alistair, I did it to thank you. But I can see that it has upset you, so I won't-"

"No! I mean, no, I'm not upset, just…surprised." He closed the distance between them, leaning his shoulder to hers, and his eyes went soft. "Well, you're welcome. But…but we should get back to Duncan," he said sheepishly.

"As you say, Ser," she purred and then stood to leave.

"Wait, what is that?" He pointed at her ear with a puzzled expression.

"What? What is _what_? Is it a bug?" She flicked and slapped the side of her head, attempting to destroy the invisible insect. "Get…out, damn you!"

Alistair put up his palm in front of her face. "Stop that. I'll get it." She eyed his bare hand, fidgeting restlessly as it neared her ear before vanishing from sight. "Stop squirming, will you? You're a mighty Grey Warden now. Surely, you can't be afraid of a little...oh, this is unusual…"

"Squash it! Kill it! Maker's balls! Do…something!" she shouted as her face contorted in disgust.

"Ah-ha! Is this yours?" He casually produced a silver bit out of thin air.

"Andraste's tits, Alistair! Don't do that again!" she chided before laughing aloud at her silly reaction. _No bugs, it was NOT a bug. _

"Quite a mouth for a well-bred lady." His smirk was teasing, but she could sense an underlying disapproval of her colorful words.

Her shoulders lifted up and down as she grinned. "Oh, sorry. Older brother." She shook off the remaining goose bumps peppering her skin. "You big trickster," she snickered. "Part of your templar training?"

"Ha! No, but I learned some sleight of hand as a boy, you know, something to pass the hours. It was frowned upon, of course, a waste of time."

"I'll bet a lot of templars had hobbies that were frowned upon." She raised her eyebrows, turning up her lips impishly. "I imagine after hunting mages all day, a templar would need to have a little self-indulgent amusement."

Alistair shrugged. "Thankfully, Duncan recruited me before I had to track down any mages. It wasn't all fun and games during training either." He shook his head, repressing memories he had thought were long forgotten. Abruptly, he gestured toward Duncan, waving his fingers from side to side. "Let's get going."

"I'm glad he took you away from them, Alistair." A warm smile offered him comfort and she stroked his arm, soothing away his sudden sadness.

Without realizing, Alistair had laid his hand atop hers, and he looked into her eyes flooded with empathy. How long her stared at her, he didn't know, and he didn't care, until a flutter in the hollow of his stomach startled him out of his reverie. He snapped his hand away and smiled, taking a deep, ragged lungful of air. "Um, thanks, for being...concerned."

Stepping out of his personal space, Elissa's eyes darted past his shoulder and focused on a distant tent. "Hey, Alistair, before we go, let me ask you something."

The tightness in his shoulders released, and he motioned for her to continue. "Ask away."

When she refocused on his profile, her expression turned inquiring. "Did I say anything…embarrassing when I was unconscious?"

"Elissa, I don't know much about what happened to you in Highever." He turned to her, his serious look making her suddenly nervous. "I understand your family…Duncan rescued you from an attack on your family's home, right?"

"Tch. Rescued," she said flatly. "Abducted is more like it. That bastard, Rendon Howe, and his men, they burned my home and killed my…my family, I left them..." She cracked her knuckles tensely and planted her feet.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize…well, when you were unconscious, you did mumble a bit, something about…roaring? Ah, that must be it. You were seeing the roaring fires?"

"Roaring?" She was puzzled at first, but then the memory slowly crept into her mind, and the tears began to well up. "Rory," she whispered, her eyes narrowing as she gazed at the muddy ground beneath her feet. "It was Rory...Rory with a story," she said half-laughing. Her head lifted up and she began to walk towards the meeting point.

"Roland Gilmore, a knight in my father's service. His father sent him to squire at Castle Cousland and he had been there since we were eleven years old or so. We were friends, best friends. Duncan had come to Highever to recruit him, not me. Rory was so excited to prove his mettle." A sad smile curved her lips. "My mother dragged me away and I left him to hold the gates while we tried to escape. He wouldn't leave the damn gates. I tried to convince him, but he said it was his duty. He was very protective of me, so honorable. He told me…It was the first time he ever said the words. And I…" she trailed off, barely audible.

Alistair's gentle hand on her shoulder brought her out of the recollection. "Elissa, I had no idea. I'm so sorry."

Elissa squared her shoulders, her muscles instantly spoiling for action. "It's alright. I'm fine, really. Rory is…_was_ very special. But, that's in the past now." Instantly, she pulled out her daggers.

"Whoa! What are you doing?" Alistair jumped back, alarmed.

"Just checking," she said evenly, ensuring she could unsheathe her blades with ease before sliding them back in with one fluid motion. "Look, just forget what I said." Eyeing her surroundings, she panned the camp and realized the soldiers were hustling about in a flurry, an uneasy buzz in the air. "Something's going on. We better get back to Duncan."

"Yes. Duncan likes punctuality. So, just curious, what do you think of Duncan? I get the feeling you don't like him."

As they began to walk again, the wind picked up and Elissa rubbed her hands together briskly. "I'd rather keep my thoughts to myself, if you don't mind. My opinion hardly matters anyway." Her eyes begged him to let it go, and he nodded with the tiniest of grins.

Although she knew the memories of that day would haunt her forever, some of her repressed anger dissipated after speaking of it with Alistair. His kind, gentle manner, peppered with silly humor, began to melt the icy encasement surrounding her heart, softening what protected it from further damage.

He noticed the subtle change, too. Maybe, just maybe, it would melt enough to let in a little joy, a little of the understanding the world had to give, and the kindness he had to offer. Alistair decided then and there that it was his duty to release her demons. _Such a beautiful woman should be happy, all the time. _

His silly mage joke went over well, and Elissa giggled when Alistair poked her side playfully, releasing another piece of her sorrow. Both Wardens' cheeks were as red as freshly picked apples, heated by emotions that had just begun to scratch the surface, and Elissa felt more relaxed and content than she had in days. However, as Duncan came into focus, her heart began to pound in her chest, and her smile faded, replaced with stern eyes and pursed lips.

Duncan stood next to an enormous fire, arms crossed over his chest, patiently waiting as the two Wardens headed towards him. Alistair followed behind as she approached Duncan, averting her eyes to the blaze, unwilling to meet their Commander's inspection. The heat of the fire chased the chill from her bones, but not the grief from her blood. Elissa put her hands on her hips and shifted her eyes right to observe their Commander.

Calm and calculating, Duncan explained the plans for the upcoming battle. "I have spoken with King Cailan and General Loghain. Cailan has personally requested that you both be responsible for lighting the beacon at the top of the Tower of Ishal. It will alert Loghain's forces to come support the king and the other Grey Wardens."

"What? We're not fighting on the front lines?" Alistair's jaw tightened and he shook his head.

"You are to do as King Cailan commands, Alistair. There will be other battles in your future, have no doubt. For now, you two are on your own. And remember, you are both Grey Wardens. I expect you to be worthy of that title."

"Yes, Duncan." Alistair glanced at Elissa and his eyes widened in an effort to get her to respond to Duncan's order, but she only nodded her terse reply in Duncan's general direction. "Maker protect you, Duncan."

"May he protect us all."

* * *

"The bloody tower is overrun, Alistair!"

"I don't understand. Duncan said this would be a simple job, no darkspawn," he said feverishly.

"Imagine. Duncan was actually wrong." Elissa rolled her eyes. "Well, you wanted a fight. Here it is. Let's go! We have only one more floor until we reach the beacon!" She ran for the staircase leading to the top of the tower with her loyal mabari, Kai, and Alistair close behind.

They ascended the stairs to the fourth floor, followed by a talented young mage who had lost his way. As they entered the room, an ogre stood as tall as the ceiling, waiting for them, nothing but body parts and rotting, half-eaten corpses surrounding it. Elissa froze at the site of the beast as it spewed blood and spittle from its horrifying mouth.

"Come on! I can't do this alone, Elissa!"

"I...Maker, it's…h-huge," she stammered.

Alistair grabbed her shoulders and shook them. "Elissa, snap out of it. We have to kill this thing and now!"

"Right. Right! Let's do it!" She unsheathed her daggers in a flurry of shining steel. "For the Grey Wardens!"

Although it was daunting, they ran into the chamber and sprinted towards the ogre head-on. The mage stood back from the action, hurling fireballs and downing lyrium, until the last of his mana was gone. Alistair hacked away at the creature's legs as Kai ripped apart the loose flesh. Elissa fought from behind, attempting to sever the muscles behind its knobby knees. When it fell to the floor with a deafening thud, she launched herself atop the ogre, slitting its throat, once, and twice. With a final plunge straight into its brain, the thing ceased moving, blood pouring from its gaping wounds. It was done.

Once she was convinced it was dead, Elissa waited to catch her breath, her eyes pinned on the twisted and contorted face of the ogre. _We killed it, thank the Maker_. Her muscles were aching, spent and rubbery. The mere thought of moving another step had her brain shutting down, drifting to a cozy fire lit room, with a soft bed, fruits and cheeses laid out for her to taste. Her eyelids began to close, and she reached out a wobbly hand to grab a juicy pear when…

"The beacon, Elissa! Light it now!" Alistair shouted.

Elissa jumped at hearing his voice. She shook her head, blinking furiously, and she raced to fire up the beacon. The moment the warning light glowed, the chamber hummed with dozens of darkspawn descending upon them like lightning. Fumbling for her daggers, she took several poisoned arrows to her shoulder and thigh.

"Alistair! Where…are you?"

Elissa wasn't sure she had even screamed aloud, her tongue and lips seizing up, pained and swollen. She couldn't see him, couldn't shout as her throat constricted, eyes rolling backwards. With her muscles weakening and her vision growing dim, she collapsed on her back and stared up at the bright light, completely baffled as she slipped into unconsciousness.

_Is that a…big…bird? _


	2. Walk This Way

_A/N: Herein, there are some wonderful lines filched from DAO. Many thanks to Biff McLaughlin for her beta awesomeness. Thanks for the reviews and alerts folks!_

**Chapter 2**

**Walk This Way**

"Ah, your eyes have finally opened."

Elissa awoke in a small hut deep within the Korcari Wilds. She pushed down the urge to vomit, wrinkling her nose at the musty smell that combined with strong aromas of meat and vegetable matter. As she rubbed her eyes, she became aware of a familiar raven-haired woman standing next to bookcases full to the brim.

The woman was absently thumbing through a large, hardcover text of some sort as she spoke. "Mother shall be pleased with your healing."

Elissa squinted. "I remember you... the girl from the wilds." _And, where are your clothes again? Bloody mages._

"Yes, tis I, Morrigan." The book closed with a thud, and Morrigan shoved it back onto the shelf. "Mother plucked you from the tower and healed your injuries." She crossed her arms over her obvious bosom and studied the Warden.

"Plucked? _She_ was the bird." Elissa sat up, her head throbbing, her limbs stiff, and she struggled to make sense of where she was and why.

Pouring a cup of water at a nearby table, Morrigan laughed to herself. "Yes, Mother has a talent for many things, including shape shifting into large creatures." The mage approached the bed and sat beside Elissa, glancing at the door with a slight frown before she placed the cup in Elissa's unsteady hand.

"Thank you." Elissa savored every drop of the thirst-quenching water.

"Your friend is outside; he is not taking it well. He has veered between denial and grief since Mother told him of his comrades."

"Told him of what comrades?" With a steadier hand, Elissa placed the empty cup down on the nightstand and proceeded to crack her knuckles. "And why did she rescue us anyway? Did she grab Kai, as well?"

"Yes, she saved the mongrel, too, but I know not why she did so. Mother is anxious to speak with you though. Why don't you ask her yourself?"

"I will, but tell me, Morrigan, of what comrades do you speak?" Slowly, Elissa swung her legs around, her knees resting over the edge of the bed as she rotated her ankles.

"You remember nothing, it seems. The man who was supposed to respond to your signal quit the field leaving the soldiers to die, all of them, including King Cailan."

"Oh no, that can't be... Damn, and blast it all. I've got to get out there!" Elissa stumbled around the room and gathered her armor, throwing it on hurriedly as she tried to maintain balance. Buckling up as she pushed Morrigan aside, she rushed out the door.

"Pfft. Don't mind me. I suppose I will stay here and continue to cook." Morrigan shook her head, twisting her lips in an annoyed sneer as she walked to the cauldron of stew that hung in the fireplace.

Disappearing out the door, Elissa went to her fellow Warden. "Alistair!" She wanted to throw her arms around him, to feel him, alive in her embrace, but he was somber, pale and shaking.

Her voice barely registered in his head, but then his eyes met hers. "Elissa... You're alive. I thought you were dead for sure."

"What happened?" Elissa stared at his solemn face, waiting, sadly knowing what his answer would be.

"Dead. They're all dead. Duncan, Cailan... all of them."

"Maker's mercy," she whispered. "All but Loghain, that traitorous bastard," she hissed, her hands balling into fists. "Oh, Alistair, I'm so sorry." Elissa laid her hand on his forearm, her fingertips smoothing over his skin, and then she gazed at him, dumbstruck. "Duncan and Cailan saved you, Alistair. Do you realize that?"

"Snap out of it, boy!" Their heads twisted in the direction of the raspy voiced witch who was wagging a crooked finger towards Alistair and Elissa. "You have a Blight to end now. You are the only remaining Grey Wardens in Ferelden."

"And that's why you saved us, isn't it?" Elissa looked at Flemeth with a shrewd smirk, hoping for more answers. "Why would Loghain do this?"

"Perhaps he thinks the Blight is an enemy he can outsmart. Perhaps he cannot see that the evil behind it is the true threat."

"The archdemon," Alistair said, hard-faced.

"Right. Then we need to find and eliminate the archdemon. Alistair, Flemeth is right. We need to focus on the Blight now. There will be time to grieve... later." Elissa took a step towards the old witch. "Thank you for saving us, Flemeth."

Alistair grabbed Elissa's forearm and pulled hard enough to make her to take a step back in his direction. "How can you just let this go? Not to mention that you're thinking about saving Ferelden with only me at your side."

Elissa stared at the ground wide-eyed, lost in memories. _We are Couslands and we do what must be done._ Pulling loose from Alistair's grasp, Elissa's hand moved to her mouth and she tore off a fingernail, her father's words running through her head until her vision blurred. "What? What did you say?"

"I said, there are only two of us to save the whole of Ferelden! It's an impossible task!"

The haggard woman chuckled darkly. "Think on those treaties, young man. You have more at your disposal than you realize. Or maybe you don't believe a word I've said. Either way, you should be moving along now."

Elissa sighed. "I'm not sure what to believe, which choice to make."

"Ah, a statement that indicates more wisdom than it implies. 'Be always aware.' Or is it 'oblivious?' I can never remember. But choice... There is great power in choices, as there are in lies."

Noticing Alistair was staring at the treaties instead of reading them, Elissa snatched them from his grip and fingered through the missives. "Dwarves, elves, mages... we can do this, Alistair." She then turned to the old woman. "Flemeth, it is of no matter if I believe you or not. But this… this must simply be accepted."

"And there is the response I sought. An open mind and not one made of mush." Flemeth eyed Alistair, her chapped lips turning up in a drawn smile.

Alistair glanced at Elissa and was surprised to see her taking such an interest in the treaties. His mind flooded with the teachings and rhetoric of the Grey Wardens. "Yes, yes, I remember now. We can go to them, state our rationale, and then they will see that there is no other choice but to fight by our side." A flush spread across his cheeks and sparks of enthusiasm lit in his eyes. "However, we should go to Arl Eamon first, in Redcliffe. I know him, and I'm sure he will aid us. He's a good man, an honorable man."

Just as Elissa was about to ask Alistair how he knew the Arl, Morrigan pushed open the door to the hut and sashayed over to the group. "The stew is bubbling, Mother. Are they staying for supper?"

Flemeth's eyes narrowed on Elissa, hopeful, determined. "You may take my daughter along, as well. She's a powerful mage, and she will help you on your quest."

"What?" Morrigan grabbed her mother's arm. "Mother, do I not have a say in this?"

Flemeth yanked her arm away scornfully. "You've been itching to see the world, girl. Here is your chance. Go see it." Without an ounce of concern or motherly compassion, Flemeth waved her hand, shooing her daughter off as if she were a nuisance, like a fly that had landed on her arm.

Not waiting for anyone else to speak up this time, Elissa nodded to Flemeth. "Very well, we'll take her with us."

Alistair's head jerked around, surprise widening his gaze. "Are you sure about this, Elissa? I mean, out of the Wilds, she's a... an apostate."

"We need all the help we can get, Alistair." Elissa's voice was firm and Alistair pursed his lips, not having a quick response at the ready.

"And you? Do you understand?" Flemeth gestured to Elissa. "I give you that which I value most in this world. I do this because you must succeed."

Elissa squared her shoulders and faced the older witch. "Flemeth, you have my word, Morrigan will not come to any intentional harm travelling with us."

A curt nod in Elissa's direction was all Flemeth offered before turning to her daughter. "Morrigan, these two must unite Ferelden and defeat the darkspawn. Without your aid, we will _all_ perish under the Blight. You _will_ go."

"I... yes, Mother. Let me gather my things." Morrigan stomped towards the hut, mumbling to herself. In no time, she emerged with a staff, a small pouch, and little else. "First, we must head north, to Lothering. We can rest and re-supply there." Then she addressed Flemeth. "Well, this is goodbye then, Mother. Do not burn down our home in my absence."

Elissa and Alistair moved away from the witch and her daughter to allow them privacy, but there was no embracing, no tears, or wishes for good fortune. Elissa bowed her head, a few mournful tears trickling down her cheeks.

Morrigan left her mother's side in silence and motioned to Elissa. "Onward." Taking the lead, the newest party member remained wordless, long legs carrying her lithe body quickly down the path towards Lothering.

"Do try to have fun, dear!" Flemeth cackled aloud as they marched out of the Wilds.

Elissa sidled up to the mage, speaking in a low, friendly manner. "Morrigan, please feel free to speak your mind. I would be more than happy to talk with you about any concerns or… feelings you may have about our mission."

Padding close by, Kai kept a close eye on the witch, and Morrigan despised the creature from the outset. "Filthy mongrel! Keep your dog away from me before I turn him to stone!"

"Annnnd, concerns voiced." Elissa smiled, a soft chuckle escaping her lips. "Sorry. I can't do that just yet, you understand. I'm a bit wary of strangers with powerful magic."

She scowled at Elissa and rolled her eyes dramatically. "I assure you, I have no ill intentions towards you, or your quiet friend," she said dryly, pointing her chin at Alistair who was now several paces away.

"All the same, Kai will be on you like a wolf on a corpse, well, minus the flesh eating, at least until you have proven your loyalty to us."

Morrigan sighed, her fingers twitching on her staff. "After Lothering then?"

"Perhaps."

* * *

Lothering offered the group food, supplies, and two new party members; an attractive red-haired rogue, Leliana, and a stoic, violet-eyed Qunari, Sten of the Beresaad. Elissa was pleased to have more support, but the conflict that had occurred with Loghain's men as Leliana approached her in Dane's Refuge had exhausted her. In addition, the politicking involved in freeing the Qunari from the Chantry's grip had her mind melting down. The coming journey to Redcliffe seemed like a relaxing stroll compared to the efforts she had put forward in one day in Lothering.

Once they finished replenishing, the group set out to make camp on the outskirts of town. As they left, a merchant and his son, with a wagon full of armor and supplies, were under attack. It was to be the party's first encounter with darkspawn, and Elissa was pleased to see that her all her companions were more than up to the challenge, taking down the creatures swiftly.

With only one hurlock left to conquer, Elissa ran full ahead, daggers cutting through the air just as Morrigan caught a glancing blow to her side. With blinding fury, Elissa beheaded the darkspawn and then turned to the witch, who swiftly got to her feet. "Are you all right?" Elissa panted.

"Do not be alarmed, I am fine," the mage said with confidence. "It only shredded my robes, damn beast."

Elissa's unease diminished, giving way to complete admiration for the apostate. "Morrigan, you fought alongside us with bravery and talent, and you've proven your worth. Kai will no longer be bothering you."

"Tis about time, Warden." Elissa grinned at the little smile Morrigan wore as she pointed her staff towards the road leading out of Lothering. "Now, let us be on our way. Night will fall soon enough."

Elissa turned to the dwarf. "Bodahn Feddic, if you and Sandal decide to travel with us, you will be safe. We could use an honest merchant to help with bartering, and I promise you, it will be to your benefit. What say you?"

Bodahn smiled and nodded his head. "Thank you. It will be our honor to serve the Grey Wardens."

In exchange for safe passage, Bodahn offered Elissa a finely carved statuette. As she marveled at the superior workmanship, a tickle in her stomach made her smile. _Alistair will love this_, she thought. _Later, when the time is right. _

With that, the dwarves pulled the wagon away from Lothering, and Elissa ran ahead to catch up with the others.

Moving to walk next to Sten, she cleared her throat and gazed up at the giant. "So Sten, tell me a little about yourself."

"I like swords, I follow orders. There is nothing else to know about me," he said evenly. With two giant strides, he left Elissa behind.

Alistair wandered up from behind to walk next to her, much closer to her side than he had earlier times. "Not a friendly sort, eh?"

"Nope," she said with a blasé shrug. "Oh, that's all right. I'm sure he'll soften as we go along. Um, Alistair," she began softly, a light touch coming to rest on his shoulder. "Do you want talk... about Ostagar?"

He let out a deep breath and stopped walking, staring off into the distance. "You don't have to do that. I should have handled it better, I know. Duncan warned me... "

"You didn't abandon him, you know." Moving her thumb and forefinger to his jaw, she gently turned his head to face her, offering a sympathetic smile. "You followed orders, and that's what he would have wanted."

His voice grew darker still, and he turned his face away from her compassionate gaze. "He was a good man who didn't deserve his fate. I don't think he had any family either, no one to mourn him."

She stepped around, forcing him to face her, her voice steady and heartening. "He had you. And you have wonderful memories of him. That should be of some comfort."

"It is." He managed a small grin, but his eyes were still dim. "I'm okay, really."

_Now is as good a time as any._ "I have something for you." Elissa pulled the statue from her pack and held it out. "Here. Bodahn gave it to me as thanks for helping him, for allowing him and his son to travel with us. But I think you will appreciate this more than I will."

"A gift? For me? Why, it's… magnificent, Elissa." His cheeks flushed as he stammered through his gratitude. "Thank you… I… I don't know what to say."

Her unselfish happiness was evident in the enormous smile she wore. "I'm glad you like it." It warmed her heart to see his sheer joy at receiving the gift. As she idly admired his chiseled features and unexpected warmth-filled eyes, she knew in that moment that she was falling for her fellow Warden, and falling hard.

Five hours later at camp, the merchant's wagon was set up away from their tents. Weary and bone-chilled, Sten and Leliana rested by the blazing fire, forcing down Alistair's bland rabbit and pea stew. Morrigan had set up her tent beyond the wagon and was not compelled to mingle.

Alistair sat on a log beside Elissa, opposite the others, polishing his statue and humming a tune. His head turned, and he looked into her eyes, respect and caring plain in his gaze. "I don't know why you gave me this, but I'm very grateful."

"And you're very welcome. It was worth it to see your face light up when I handed it to you." Elissa leaned forward feeling his stare, and she tapped a stick on the ground, keeping her eyes on the campfire. "Has anyone ever told you how handsome you are?" she asked softly.

"Not unless they were asking me for a favor." He cast a fleeting glimpse around the camp, and the others seemed engaged with eating or napping. "Why? Is this your way of telling me you think I'm handsome?"

She smirked as she turned to look at him. "You know you are. But if you need reassurance, then yes, I think you are quite handsome."

"And are you fishing for the same type of compliment?" he asked with a devious grin.

"Only if you think it's true."

"Oh, I do, but I'll spring that on you another time, when you least expect it."

Her chuckle didn't quite reach her eyes as she tipped her head to the side and smiled a little. "I'm glad you're here with me."

His smile was bigger. "I was just thinking the same thing. I couldn't imagine doing this without you."

Elissa smoothed a few hairs against her head and then rested her hand atop his. "I'll always be here for you, Alistair, no matter what comes."

The palm of his hand was beginning to feel clammy, and he closed his fingers to make a relaxed fist, but she kept her hand in place, steady and sure. "You say that now, but when one fight goes awry, you'll be off, leaving me to save Ferelden by myself."

"Never! We're equal partners now, equal to the end." She straightened her back, removed her hand from his, and slapped it on her thigh. "So, good for us, friend!"

"Friend? Hm. So, _friend_, what would you like to talk about?"

"Mind if I ask you a personal question?" she said with a perky grin.

"Ask first, and then I'll decide whether or not to answer."

"If you were raised in the Chantry, have you never... "

"What? Had a new pair of shoes? Seen a basilisk? Ate jellied ham?"

"Oh, come on, don't be childish," she admonished.

"Have I never licked a lamppost in winter?" The pitch of his voice went up audibly, much to her inner delight.

"And now I sense you're making fun of me. Just answer the question. Have you?"

"Have _you_?" Alistair flushed a bit, but his smile remained.

"No! Of course not," she scoffed.

"I've never done it either, but I've thought about it... um, I mean when I find the right woman to... ugh, you know, living in the Chantry is not the life for rambunctious boys," Alistair said sheepishly. "I was raised to be a gentleman, especially in the presence of beautiful women such as yourself."

"Not exactly a direct compliment," she snickered. "You think I'm beautiful, do you?"

"I _know _you're beautiful. You're ravishing and resourceful, and all those other things you'd probably hurt me for not saying. Are those compliments acceptable?"

"They are, but I would never hurt you, Alistair," she said, her eyes keen.

"Nor I you," he whispered after a moment.

As his arm linked with hers, Elissa shifted her hip a little closer to his, for warmth.

* * *

Elissa and Alistair stood silent atop the hill overlooking Redcliffe Village, which was situated on the western shore of Lake Calenhad. The reddish hues of the cliffs towering above the charming landscape were a calming sight. A path led farther up into the hills and then across a bridge to an island where Redcliffe Castle had stood far longer than the village itself.

Alistair's royal admission had visibly shocked Elissa, and their companions thought it best to give them some privacy. Morrigan walked off to clip some herbs and Leliana followed, attracted to a lovely garden full of multicolored flowers that was planted alongside a thatched-roof dwelling.

"Why did you wait to tell me this?" she asked finally, one arm held out, palm up. "Didn't you think I should know about this?"

"How do you tell someone that... especially you? I don't know. I thought it might change your feelings for me," he muttered, shaking his head slightly. "I didn't want you to know as long as possible. I'm sorry."

She could see a flicker of hurt in his eyes causing her to sigh. "I'm not so shallow, Alistair, but I guess I can understand. You're not hiding anything else, are you?"

"Well, I do love fine cheese, but you already know that." He shrugged indifferently. "Nope, just the prince thing."

"You're a prince," she drawled. "Somehow, I find that very," she reached out and brushed her fingertips along his ear, trailing down to trace the line of his jaw, "thrilling."

Warmth bloomed across his face. "Oh? You don't think I'm just some nobody who was lucky enough to survive Ostagar?"

She shook her head, her shoulders slumping. "You don't really believe that, do you?"

"Not really," he said softly. "But I was lucky enough to survive with you."

"Yes, you're here with me, Alistair. That makes _me_ the lucky one. And for what it's worth, I think you'd be a great king. You have a kind heart and a strong sense of justice. But you should do what you want... when the time comes."

Alistair swallowed the sudden lump in his throat. "Yes, well, we have a Blight to quell before any of this becomes important. In the meantime, let's just get to Redcliffe Castle and speak with Eamon."

She gazed at him, a smile starting to take hold of her lips. "I still like you," she purred. "And _not_ because of your blood."

He saw the twinkle in Elissa's eyes, and he took her hand in his firmly. Pulling her close, he moved his other hand to brush her hair back from her face, and then he kissed her forehead, his lips feather light.

Elissa motioned to Leliana and Morrigan before entwining her fingers with Alistair's willfully. Hand in hand and striding in sync, they set off for Redcliffe Castle.


	3. Judgment Calls

**Chapter 3**

**Judgment Calls**

"Deadly sex goddess? I can't believe women actually fall for that line," she remarked wryly, her lips slightly tightened. Elissa hovered over the elven assassin, squinting at the sun stinging her eyes. "Talk sense, assassin, or I'll slit your throat." The tip of her dagger poked at his throat, and a trickle of blood crept down his bronzed neck.

He swallowed calmly, his attitude resolute. "Well, here's the thing. I failed to kill you, so my life is now forfeit. If you do not kill me, the Crows will. The thing is I like living. And you certainly are the sort to give the Crows pause, so let me serve you instead."

The point of her blade pressed into the ground as her hand lowered with surprise. "Serve me? Are you mad?" Leaving the dagger edge near his cheek, she stood up and glanced at Alistair's serious expression before throwing the elf a strange grin. "It's no surprise they sent _you_ on a fool's errand, is it, assassin?"

"Ah, but you wound me, Warden. Alas, I volunteered for this job. And, by the way, my name is Zevran, Zev to my friends."

"Vol-volunteered? So, what you're saying is, you are a half-assed flirt…" Between gasps for air, her amusement grew louder; insulting, _embarrassing_, and she could only laugh harder as the Crow rolled his eyes and shifted about. "…an incompetent assassin with a death wish…" More stinging laughter erupted, coming straight from her belly as she bent at the waist. "… and dense as a stone? Oh, Maker, you'll fit right in with our group! Welcome to the party, assassin!"

"What?" her fellow Warden protested behind her. Alistair's hand wrapped around her forearm, pulling her up to stand. She straightened her spine, and composed herself while he voiced his concerns. "You want to take the assassin with us now? Does that really seem like a good idea?"

Elissa flipped a backhand at him, put out by his serious tone. "Oh, get over yourself, Alistair."

"This would never have happened if we had stayed in Redcliffe and helped them kill those…things!" Alistair wailed. "That's what we get for abandoning them. Targets for assassination!"

"The assassins would have found us sooner or later. Besides, it's not our job to save every town from whatever preys upon them." Elissa glowered at the elf. "I'm sure this _would-be_ assassin will be quite useful, and if he isn't, _you_ can kill him, Alistair."

Alistair glared at Zevran. "You hear that, Crow?" he warned, a most menacing tone in his voice. Then he leaned towards Elissa and whispered in her ear. "If ever there was a sign we were desperate, it just knocked on the door and said hello."

Elissa smirked and patted him on the arm. "Alistair, you worry too much. I think you need some cheese to set your head straight." She pulled the dagger from the ground and sliced the roping that secured the elf's ankles and hands.

"T'would be wise to check our meals for toxins from this point on. Maybe the mongrel could sample the food first," Morrigan interjected.

"Pfft. Don't listen to her." Leliana waved a dismissive hand at the witch. "Welcome, Zevran. I think you are a fine addition to the group. Oh, this is all so exciting! Somewhere in this assassination attempt, there must be a ballad waiting to be written!"

"Hmph, travelling with you people shall be terribly entertaining," Zevran mused aloud. He groaned as he rolled his head, stretching his legs and peeling off the severed rope from his wrists all at once.

Elissa extended her hand to pull the elf to his feet. Not that he needed the help, but Zevran thought he might perceive some sort of motivation for her altruism by her grasp. Their eyes met when her hand held his tightly, and Elissa felt a strange warmth radiate from her abdomen, tingling her senses. Not fear, not anxiety, just curiosity, and if she was to be quite honest with herself, a hint of excitement.

A spark of comprehension flickered in his eyes as he slid his palm off hers. He crossed his arms over his chest and bowed his head slightly, keeping his eyes fixed on hers. "I hereby pledge my oath of loyalty to you, until such a time as you choose to release me from it," Zevran declared sincerely. "I am your man, without reservation. This I swear."

Elissa nodded to Zevran, and suddenly her throat constricted as she felt his gaze penetrate her thoughts. His training had taught him to read body language and facial expressions, to judge every person he met and then prey on their fears, their guilt, their need to be accepted and well liked. Manipulation by the assassin, basic tactics he would use to influence her, was unacceptable. No one would have that kind of control over her again.

Elissa forced her thoughts to Alistair, clearing her mind of anything having to do with the fascinating and dangerous Crow standing before her.

She turned and commanded the witch to keep an eye on the assassin. "Morrigan, he's all yours. Feel free to hit him with magic if you think he has any… improper thoughts." Then she raised her arm and pointed westward. "Move out towards Redcliffe!"

Elissa watched as Morrigan directed Zevran to walk two paces in front of her at all times. Kai padded next to the elf, keeping his head down and baring his teeth. It was one of those rare occasions when Morrigan was receptive to the dog's proximity, and that made Elissa grin.

Turning on her heel, Elissa marched over to Alistair, quickly snatching some cheese from his hand. "Thanks for the cheese." As she bit down on the morsel, her eyes pinched shut, face scrunching in agony. "Maker's balls! Damn bloody tooth!"

Alistair's brows narrowed and he shot her an admonishing glance. "Such language," he chided. She shot daggers back. "Anyway, _I_ wouldn't ask it of her, but maybe Morrigan can help with your rotting tooth."

"No. Not happening." She rubbed her jaw and shook off the pain. "Not now, not ever. It just…took me by surprise. I'm fine." She stared at him, trying to remember what she wanted in the first place. "And it is not rotting! It's just… sensitive."

"Okaaay. It's _your_ pretty smile at risk, not mine." Alistair rolled his eyes. "So, did you want to ask me something?"

"Oh, yes. Well, aside from being hungry all the time, I've been having some crazy dreams. Is that related to the taint as well?"

"Now that you mention it, I've noticed your appetite is even bigger than mine. I saw you wolfing down that roast boar the other day, and I thought to myself, 'it's a good thing she gets a lot of exercise' you know, because it will all go to your h-."

Alistair deflected the slapping hand Elissa aimed at his head as she cut him off. "Yes, yes, but the nightmares, they're... creepy."

"They are, and it's worse during a Blight. Once you reach a certain age, the dreams become... unmanageable. That's when you know your time has come, and you-"

"What?" she interrupted. "What does that mean, 'your time has come'?"

"Oh, we never got the chance to tell you. The taint is a death sentence. It takes its toll on your body, slowly changing you into…anyway, you end up in Orzammar before you're completely changed, for one last glorious battle," he said casually.

Elissa was annoyed with his indifference on the topic. "To be attacked by darkspawn and then die there? That's not something I want! That's… horrible!"

"Thirty years or so, until you feel it. Duncan started having nightmares before... well, I guess he got what he wanted."

"Thirty years? Why didn't Duncan tell me this before the Joining? Do you have to go alone? Maker's breath, Alistair. I can't believe you've never told me about this…" she trailed off. Elissa looked down at the ground, a fingertip moving swiftly to her mouth.

"You can go with anyone you want," he assured Elissa, repentant for the bewilderment he had caused her. "And I imagine, since we joined the Wardens about the same time, our Callings would be close together."

Her eyes met his, damp but curious. "Are you saying you'd go with me?"

"I would, if you wanted me to. You didn't ask for this, I know. That's what friends are for, right?"

She reached up to cup his cheek. "Alistair, you are more than a friend to me now. Much more."

"I… I have to admit, I feel the same way, Elissa." His cheeks grew rosy, and his voice dropped low. "I think I've felt that way for a while now."

Elissa moved towards him, and she wrapped her arms around his shoulders, hugging him with more power than he knew she had.

His heart was racing as his arms engulfed her, unsure what to do next. The smell of her, the feel of her cheek pressed to his, the longing, all melding together, overcoming his senses. His nerves jangled and sweat formed on his brow as he forced his thoughts to moldy cheese, darkspawn, dead kittens, anything to make his desire for her diminish. He pulled away, the urge to flee causing his words to run together without breathing as he eyed the midday sun.

"Oh look, it's time for me to be on point with Sten. I'll be up ahead! Wish me luck!" Then he ran off, flailing his hand in the air.

_Point?_ "Good luck!" _Since when do we have point positions?_ she thought. _Not a bad idea, though._ Elissa waved back, grinning like an idiot. "See you later... handsome... jerk. Ach."

* * *

Connor stared at Elissa through frightened eyes; his mother lay unconscious, unaware that her son was at the threshold of death. An incision across his smooth skin cut the jugular, and the boy's mouth opened in a silent cry. Then his body went limp. Tears slipped down Elissa's cheeks as the blood oozed from the boy's neck, turning the silver steel to crimson.

All of a sudden, before Elissa could think, or feel, they were in the throes of fighting the desire demon. Undead corpses and rage demons were summoned to aid their mistress, but Elissa only saw the boy's innocent face with every slash of her blades against the creatures.

At last, the deed was completed. If Elissa had stayed a moment longer, she would have imagined the dead eyes coming back to life. _Oriana._ Her brain would have tricked her into seeing a smile form on the boy's mouth._ Oren._ She stood dazed and sick to her stomach, only vaguely aware of Alistair's labored breathing. Not sparing a glance at her companion, she fled the chamber.

She took refuge in a corner of the library, her limbs folded up, knees pulled to her chin. There, she sat for an hour, contemplating her past and her future, until the assassin and his guard came bearing news of the scholar, Genitivi. Elissa stood and squared her shoulders. _We do what must be done._

Acceptance of the earlier outcome was written on their even expressions. Elissa's eyes darted to Morrigan's bored stare, and then to Zevran's gaze. The assassin's amber eyes held a fraternal welcome.

There it was. She was like the Crow now, one of his kind. A killer.

They would have to travel to Denerim, inquire of Brother Genitivi's travels, and then try to recover the fabled ashes to heal the dead boy's father. She listened and nodded in silence, knowing that it was a necessary and noble quest, possibly hopeless, but it paled in comparison to her next task.

The hardest thing would be facing _him_.

* * *

No one had spoken more than a few words during the hour-long walk from Redcliffe to camp. Elissa stayed in the back with Kai, and Alistair took up the lead in front.

Once settled in camp, Alistair approached Elissa, serious and determined. "Now that we're back at camp, I'd like to talk about what happened this morning."

It was time to answer for her transgression.

Elissa removed the last of her armor and tipped her head down, glancing up to ascertain his frame of mind. His mother's amulet was in her hand. "Hey Alistair, look what I found in Eamon's study."

He saw her lips move but didn't hear anything she had said, just the blood boiling in his ears. "How could you do it, Elissa? How?"

She stuffed the amulet into her pocket. "I know what you're thinking... I'm sorry. I never imagined we'd have to-"

"We could have gone to the Circle for help!" Alistair paced in front of Elissa, agitated and stunned by her lack of sensitivity in Redcliffe. Ordering their party to leave Redcliffe to its own defenses against the walking dead and then readily accepting a Crow into the fold, were choices he could accept, albeit reluctantly. Returning to a destroyed Redcliffe only to order a child's death—a child possessed by a demon, but still, an innocent boy—was a bitter draught to swallow.

"And then what? We would have wasted precious time, and Maker knows how long we would have been stuck at the Circle. We need to get to the Urn to heal Eamon."

"I know we saved the ones we could, but you killed Connor, Eamon's son, for Maker's sake!"

"His son was possessed by a demon that surely would have killed them all if we had gone to the Circle! Maker, we're trying to save the man's bloody life!" she exploded. "Haven't I made myself clear, Alistair? This is not the time for sappy regrets. I shouldn't have to tell you what Duncan would have done, but if you need a reminder, I'll be happy-"

"No! Don't tell me what Duncan would have done. You barely knew the man," he argued, hands slicing through the air. "He would never have killed an innocent for his own purposes!"

"Oh, no? What of my family, my mother and father, my friends? He left them to die, Alistair. He left them to die just to recruit another Grey Warden." Elissa glared at him, tears threatening to escape.

Alistair threw his head back and blew out a long breath. He reached out to take her arm but she pulled away, leaving his outstretched hand empty. "Look, maybe you're right. Maybe there was no other choice at the time."

"You think it was easy for me to kill a child?" She took a tentative step closer, her head hanging low. "You think I'm…evil, don't you?" she whispered.

"No, no. Of course not. I just… Ah, Maker knows it was a hard decision, and I didn't exactly help you sort through our options."

Elissa's expression became softer, wanting him to pull her into his arms and hold her until her unexpressed emotions faded. "I did my best, Alistair. I truly did."

"I know. I just think there's something wrong in the world if we casually accept that it's okay to kill a child. It should have been Isolde who died, not the boy." Alistair shook his head, sighing deeply again. "I shouldn't second guess you. You did what you had to do. It's just all this death... it's easy to question when you're not the one making decisions, and I let you do just that. Look, I don't want to fight with you, Elissa. I know how hard the past two months have been, and I haven't been there for you enough, but I'd like to think you can come to me now, talk to me, and allow me to support you the way you comforted me after Duncan's..." His chin dropped to his chest.

"Alistair, we've both been through a lot." Placing her hand on his forearm, she spoke softly, thoughtful of the past. "And you have helped me, more than you know."

Looking at her now, he saw the woman he had grown to have feelings for, the woman who made his stomach tremble whenever she was near. "I have?" he asked with blissful curiosity.

"Yes, more than you know. I think it best if we agree to disagree on this." With a kindhearted smile, she held out her arms. "Come here... please? I really need a hug. And I think you do, too."

He did as she asked, releasing all his inner tension and relaxing into her embrace. As he pulled her closer and nestled his face in her lavender-scented hair, the events at Redcliffe drifted out of his mind.

They held onto each other, her fingers pressing into his shoulders, chest to chest, with no armor to limit their closeness.

Slowly, he moved his head back to face her and their eyes locked. Alistair's insides fluttered as she moved her lips to touch his, her eyes never leaving his gaze. Moist and warm, her mouth covered his with a slow, sweet kiss, a kiss that held affection and desire. As her tongue swirled round, he responded in kind, forgetting to swallow the copious amounts of saliva his mouth was producing to this fresh stimulant. After what seemed to be minutes of wet kissing sounds, he broke off, stunned into silence.

"I... was that too soon for you?" Elissa shifted her weight from one foot to the other and gnawed at a fingernail.

Alistair's lips turned up into a wide grin. "No, no. In fact, I think we may have waited _too_ long." He placed his hands on her cheeks, a gentle push to remove her finger from her mouth, and he stared at her dreamily. "Maker's breath, you're beautiful. But just to be sure, let's do it once more," he asserted with a brazen growl. Pulling her face to his, they kissed again, and this time, Alistair swallowed first, and then assaulted her lips with renewed passion.

Her breathing grew ragged, almost desperate as they kissed away each other's fears and pains. Savoring their smoldering embrace, Elissa was acutely aware of his taut muscles and the strength of his hands kneading her back as he pressed his body against hers.

His heart was pounding in his chest, and he was sure Elissa could feel it. He wanted her to feel it, to make her unknowingly move closer to him, and that urged him to crush against her even harder.

She recognized his motivation and eagerly complied with his unspoken request. Her fingers ran through his hair, pushing his head to hers as she locked her wobbly knees. Elissa could feel her blood pulsing through her veins, flooding every part of her being, rushing so fast she almost felt dizzy.

A tiny whimper escaped her throat, and Alistair's head jerked away. "Are you all right?"

"Yes, I'm just... that was wonderful, Alistair," she said breathlessly. Stepping back, she brushed two fingers across her lips and took a deep breath before unconsciously chewing on her lower lip. "All right then, maybe you should go check on the others because… I need to prepare my equipment for watch later."

"As you wish," he said dipping his head. "I can _feel_ their eyes staring at us anyway." She peered over his shoulder and nodded to confirm his suspicions. "And Elissa?"

"Yes?"

"I agree. That _was_ wonderful." She smiled for him, brighter than she had in days.

A flood of emotions and thoughts hummed through her, and Elissa giggled to herself. She wondered if his acceptance was too good to be true, if _he_ was too good to be true.

Reaching into her pocket, she removed the amulet as Alistair walked towards the campfire, wondering if she should give it to him before he ventured too far away.

_Another time, _she thought, smoothing her thumb across the charm. _In Denerim perhaps, during a quiet meal at an inn, just the two of us, holding hands, and staring into each other's eyes as we sip wine from crystal goblets, musicians serenading us from a dark corner… _

Lost in her daydream, she didn't hear the soft footfalls approaching from behind.

_A/N: Thanks for the comments and alerts everyone. Here's hoping the FF traffic counter gets back to doing its job. And for you Biff McLaughlin, here's a dozen Crow-shaped cookies for your great beta job!_


	4. The Name of the Game

**The Name of the Game**

"My dear Warden, are you tempting our failed templar again?"

Startling at the voice, she turned around to see the Antivan donning a mischievous grin. "You're quite nosy, aren't you?" Elissa straightened her armor and fussed with the buckles. Risking a glance towards the campfire, she spotted Alistair chatting with Leliana, unaware of the company Elissa was keeping at that moment. "How did you get away from Kai's watchful eye?" she asked, her eyes darting back to the elf.

"The mabari?" Zevran waved his hand dismissively. "I believe a venison bone carelessly tossed into the brush proved irresistible."

"I see. At least you don't have any weap-" Just then, Zevran produced a small throwing knife from somewhere in his breeches and Elissa chuckled aloud.

"I am glad you have found the humor in trying to keep an assassin from what comes naturally." A most alluring twinkle in her gaze caught Zevran's eye.

"Well, I guess I have no choice but to trust you _now_." She bent down and reached into her pack, grabbing the daggers he had tried to kill her with and she held them out, quirking an eyebrow. "Here you go. I suppose you should have these on you at _all_ times, not just during fights, although I really like this one," she said, admiring the Crow dagger he used in his dominant hand.

"Is that so? Maybe someday I will let you play with it." He took the knives and sheathed them in one precise move. Pleased with her apparent trust and lack of fear, he chanced a step closer, grinning as she held her ground. "Am I to assume that you now consider my oath sincere? After all, I owe you a blood debt because you have spared my life."

Elissa nodded. "I believe you are a man of your word. While you were armed in Redcliffe, you were quite useful, and as long as you heed my orders, we'll get along fine. Just know that my companions are not as accommodating as I am, Zevran."

"No, they are not, but I should think that will bring me and you... closer together, yes?" he said with an optimistic grin.

"Tch," she snorted. "I know your game, Crow. Don't make me regret this."

"Tell me, my lovely Warden, has the Chantry boy offered anything more than to shower you with affection and kisses?" Then he dropped his voice lower. "There are many ways to ease that tension you hold in your muscles."

Taken a back, her mouth opened wide before she found her voice again. "I should slap your face for that, you cad! And lovely? Spare me," she said, seemingly exasperated with his swagger.

"Do you not like when someone compliments your beauty? I know _I_ do."

"I'll bet you do," she snickered. "I'm not about to compliment you, so don't hold your breath, Zevran."

"Oh, I will not hold my breath," he chuckled. "And it's Zev, call me Zev."

Without acknowledging his request, she continued, sneering and waving her hands about. "If you think I'll be uncomfortable around you, or that you can catch me off-guard with your innuendos and bravado, think again. I may be young, but_ I_ was not raised in a Chantry, Zevran."

"Yes, I can see that." As he spoke, his eyes trailed up and down her curves, imagining what lay beneath her leather armor. "And, _please_, I should like to be called Zev."

"No, I will not call you _Zev_," she spat. "Zevran is perfectly fine, and I'll not shorten it to a trite, monosyllabic pet name." The elf eyed her curiously. "So, if there is nothing else, kindly go back to... whatever tree you perched in while you were eavesdropping, you _voyeur_."

"O-ho! I admit I have never been called a _voyeur_ before! I shall take that as a compliment."

"Take it any way you like." Elissa's tone didn't quite match her annoyed expression. "Now get lost," she muttered. _Where is Alistair when I need him? _she thought. When Elissa looked to the campfire, Alistair was nowhere to be found. _Damn it. He must have gone to sleep already._

Zevran crossed his arms and spoke up. "Come now, the night is young. Have you no interest in a conversation with the man who failed to kill you?"

As she turned her eyes to meet his, her expression grew serious. "Precisely my point. You failed miserably, and you are now under my command. There is nothing more to say. You're free to roam about the camp and tell your stories to someone who is interested in hearing them."

"I _know_ it is you who wants to hear my stories," Zevran said taking a step forward. "I saw you listening in as I spun a yarn for our pretty bard earlier. So tell me, what kind of tale would you like to hear, hm?"

"Are you always this persistent? Hmph. I guess I can muster a question or two. So, you're a Crow, an assassin from a far away land," she began. Tapping a pale finger on her chin, her eyes creased and then opened wide with curiosity. "Why did your organization take the name of the crow anyway? I understand crows live a long time and are monogamous. Did you know if the male crow dies, the female will never take another mate? It certainly is contrary to what you and your fellow assassins claim to be."

"And when the crow finds a corpse, it first pecks out the eye," he added with a wink.

"It's also said the crow's voice predicts rain, that it is able to reveal ambushes and foretell the future. Is that true?" Her blonde eyebrows lifted in challenge.

"You are a most knowledgeable student of animal behavior, yes?" He was silent for a moment before a smirk pushed his cheeks up. "The crow is an old and wise bird, it's true. But it is a great wickedness to believe that the Maker gives his counsel to crows, or so says the Chantry."

"Hm. I think I prefer the graceful dove and her mournful song to the harsh caw of the sinister crow. And doves don't eat corpses or live by plunder. Instead, they gather the best seeds," she said motioning to their companions.

"La paloma? Your dove is nothing more than a city pigeon, my dear, filthy and disease ridden."

"Must you ruin everything?"

"Nothing succeeds like repetition," he joked. "You know, there is one redeeming quality the dove possesses... when two doves are together, they kiss continually."

"Too bad for the crow then, hm?"

Zevran wasn't sure if it was her wit or her smug grin that got to him, but suddenly he craved her. He wanted to free the captive animal clawing within her, to make her surrender herself to him, and soon. Zevran laughed aloud, and she joined in his laughter, not actually knowing what she had found so funny.

"Zevran, you are a curious man, indeed. Surely, you have exciting tales of death and destruction. I can only imagine the experiences you've had."

"Death, of course, but destruction? No, no. You do not know much about assassination, do you? But, it is true, I do have experience with many things, many women and men. Would you like to hear of my experiences with other individuals?" Zevran raised one very suggestive eyebrow.

"I didn't ask about your sexual conquests," she snorted, rather maddened by his elusion. "But if telling me a story will make you go away quicker, then go right ahead."

"Well now, let's see. You are a rogue, yes? I can tell you stories of poison, the stages of death one would endure after ingesting lanthrax, or did you want to hear about the more romantic side of assassination?"

She rolled her eyes. "Just get on with it. Poisoning sounds good."

"Tsk, tsk. So impatient. First, let me say that my experiences are not limited to the fairer sex. Does that bother you?"

"Should it? What kind of person do you think I am?" she countered.

Zevran smiled warmly and softened his demeanor, noticing Elissa had become more frustrated by his lively banter. "Just a simple question, but if I am offending you somehow, we can end this discussion."

"No, it doesn't' bother me." Her shoulders relaxed and she breathed out hard. "And I thought you were going to tell me about poisoning. Skip the sexy romps and move on to an adventure story, if you would."

"Beautiful _and_ open-minded. I like that. Anyway, my second assignment for the Crows... "

Zevran continued to tell tales of dashing princes, ill-gotten gains, and ruses of deception, mostly remarkable survival stories. Along the way, he peppered his murderous adventures with the reality of his upbringing in a brothel, and how the Crows had acquired him as a young boy.

Almost an hour had passed and still, Elissa listened to him closely, enjoying every minute of his embellishments, until he hesitated to proceed with the last assignment he had before bidding to win the Grey Warden job. Elissa noticed a flicker of sadness in his distracted gaze, and she presumed the mission probably involved a close relationship that had gone wrong and ended miserably.

Elissa felt her heart soften. "You don't have to finish, I understand," she muttered.

"Thank you." Zevran inwardly reproached himself for exposing such a trivial matter. He pasted a pleasant smile on his face and laughed. "My loose tongue has gotten me into trouble more times than I care to admit," he said, waggling his eyebrows.

Her lips parted and her eyes grew wide. Color bloomed on her face, as did understanding. "Maker, you sound like you've been through a lot, Zevran."

"Ah, it wasn't all bad. I ate well, travelled some, and had many dangerous and exciting adventures. I earned respect and a good living, most of the time."

"Antiva is the wildest western land in Thedas, isn't it?"

"Wild north, well, northeast to be exact, but certainly not the northernmost territory." He narrowed his eyes, one side of his mouth twisting up. "Have you any knowledge of direction or geography?"

"Oh, right," she laughed. "I must have missed that lesson."

"Thankfully, you have me to lead you on the right path now. But enough stories, hm?" he suggested. "Before I take my leave, I have a question for you, if I may."

"Of course."

"Once all this business to end the Blight is through, what do you intend to do with me? I mean, I assume you will no longer be in need of my services."

If Zevran knew anything, he knew when a woman appreciated a man, be it for his skills as a fighter, his good looks, or his clever tongue. He was sure he could out maneuver her fellow Warden easily enough to achieve his ultimate goal. He knew that he had to stay by her side in every skirmish; aid her with every decision to earn her absolute trust until she looked to him for advice and no other. He would be determined to use his influential flair to his advantage at a later, more opportune moment, and once his position was secured as her confidant and protector, he would make his move.

"I'll not hold you to any oath, Zevran. Leave whenever you like. On the other hand, you could stay, and the Crows will leave you alone, at least while you travel with us. I'm sure I... we could find a use or two for a handsome elf."

Zevran wasn't sure he had heard her right. Did she release him from his oath and give him freedom, an alternative no one had ever given him in his whole life? He thought it strange, if not outright stupid, but he would try to see it through and honor the oath.

Her slip was not lost on him either, but he let it go, offering her a toothy grin instead. "It is always good to know your options. As for now, I go where you go. Of course, all of this is probably moot as we will undoubtedly fall victim to the darkspawn or be eaten by some high dragon on a mountaintop."

"Andraste's ass we will! I will _not_ be eaten alive by a dragon! And if you know what's good for you, you had better keep me from getting killed, or the others will chop _you_ into tasty morsels of Dragon's Delight."

"Then from this moment forth, my only objective will be to make sure we _both_ live long enough for me to ravish you in celebration of Satinalia."

"Oh really? I like your self-confidence, Zevran." She smiled mischievously, but then shook her head at her impulsive remark. Suddenly it dawned on her that Satinalia wasn't that far off and Zevran was having an undesirable effect on her thought processes. Her demeanor turned sour and brooding. "Be careful what you wish for, Crow. None of us here is completely untouched by the cruelty of life, the pain, the evil, not to mention the death. All these things shape our thoughts and motivations, and the unintentional hurt we put upon others."

"Ah, but in between these cruelties, my dear Warden, there is the positive, the things that give us meaning in our days. I am sure you know this, but I imagine when you contemplate all that, you arrive at a varied, and contradictory set of thoughts about the meaning and purpose of your life."

Flustered by his perceptions, Elissa unsheathed her dagger and began to polish it, keeping a distant facade. "I have no intention of getting into a philosophical discussion with you," she said disagreeably.

"Ah, you do not see the problem of sorting reality into clearly cut categories?" Zevran stayed silent, observing her not-so-secret unease.

Her brows furrowed and she stared straight into his gaze, her lips twisting in confusion. "How can you be so cheerful for a man who has lived through so much?"

"Life is short, my dear Warden. I have no time for regrets, or depressing and mystifying thoughts. What's done is done, and I cannot change a thing about my past. I can only shape my future, and possibly the future of those around me."

"By murdering us in our sleep?" she snapped, and then pinched her eyes shut for a split second.

"Oh, but you wound me!" he said feigning insult as he clutched his fist on his chest.

She offered him an apologetic grin, and her inviting smile urged Zevran to move closer. He tipped his head and took in her beauty with soft, thoughtful eyes. Clouds stole past the full moon, suddenly bathing the sight before him in moonlight. Highlighted strands of her flaxen hair shimmered, and her eyes beamed as if she had just received a gift. They held certain fierceness behind the shine, and he wished to see that same intensity in a more intimate setting. _Truly a beautiful and untamed sex goddess_, _hidden behind her duty_, he thought.

He resisted the urge to reach out his hand: to feel her cheek against his palm, to glide his tongue along her lobe, to breathe sultry promises in her ear. _Ah, not yet, Zevran. _His mind might wander to a more sensuous place when the mood struck, but for now, he would have to be satisfied with devoted companion status.

"It might surprise you to hear me say my actions will be honorable, at least as honorable as an assassin can manage. I will aid you in your quest to end the Blight, shine your armor if need be, or cook some flavorsome meals so we do not all perish from Alistair's wretched stew," he said making a disgusted face.

Elissa was unusually quiet, and Zevran assumed his vows had astonished her. Inwardly, he was thoroughly amused by the idea. Her eyes remained fixed on his, revealing only deep thought, the gears in her head obviously working hard to figure out his true intentions. _Ah, this woman will be an exciting challenge, _he thought. _However, I must choose my words wisely_.

Chancing a touch, Zevran's warm hand enveloped hers, squeezing assuredly. "If you believe nothing I have said thus far, believe only this," he whispered, his eyes betraying the outer flamboyant appearance of an assassin. "Nothing will happen to you while you are under my watch and care. I will protect you with my life."

A shiver ran up her spine and Elissa blinked, cocking her head to the side with a squint and a strange smile turning up her lips. Zevran realized, too late, that he had just allowed her a fleeting glimpse of himself, which was rarely, if ever seen.

Taking his hand away, he turned to gesture towards their companions and the firelight. "At any rate, I believe it is almost time for your watch, Warden." Zevran crossed his arms and posed, resuming his role as the charismatic companion.

"Oh yes, you're right," she said, and as his expression tightened, immediately masked, she added,"I'm glad _you're_ keeping track of such things. I was ready to turn in." _He is hiding his identity under that glib exterior, and I'm going break him of that habit one of these days. _"Thanks for reminding me, Zevran."

"That is only one talent I can offer you, fair Warden." Zevran inched closer, close enough for her to feel his warm breath on her cheek. "I possess many skills that you may find useful and... satisfying." She stood unmoving as his eyes seized control of hers. "One day, after I have shown you my expertise in the art of pleasuring a woman, you will say this to me." His lips moved to her ear and he whispered, "Thank you."

A flutter in the pit of her stomach caused her breath to hitch as he slowly moved his head to face her. To his surprise, she sneered in disgust, a nasty, disapproving tone in her rebuke. "And then throw you coin, like a common whore? A quick fuck, without emotion or feelings, right?" she snapped, her voice crackling with resentment. Or was it frustration filled with need? "You think… that's what I desire? Maybe you are not as astute as I thought." Elissa frowned with genuine disillusionment.

"Oh, you have turned so disagreeable." A deep, mocking laugh bellowed from the elf's chest. "Do you look down on whores because they have made a sensible estimation of their assets and do not rely, like so many others, upon deception to make a living?"

_Damn him and his cynical retorts_. "You haven't answered me. Do you honestly believe a woman, like me, would want to be treated with so little regard? Am I not worthy of love and affection? Are _you_ not worthy of it?"

"Bah. The happily ever after ending? It is nothing but a myth, my dear. The sooner you learn that, that easier your life will be."

"You're wrong, Zevran," she stated with no trace of amusement on her face. "I have loved. Giving love freely and having that love returned is not a fairytale, it's a miracle... a gift to treasure."

"And you already have these feelings for Alistair? How amusing," he said in an insulting tone.

"No, it is not Alistair I speak of, but I won't bore you with details of my past. I've got you figured out, Zevran, and I feel sorry for you." A softer expression deepened on her face. "Maybe someday you'll meet someone who makes you feel like you're the only person in the world, the only one who matters. Then, you will understand what love is."

The smirk he wore begged to be slapped from his face, but that was exactly the kind of response he was trying to provoke. Her lips settled into a straight line. "Just do your job and stay out of my way. That will keep me satisfied and happy."

"Tsk, tsk. I shall have to brush up on my seduction techniques. You are certainly one of my less receptive targets," he quipped.

Elissa's eyes widened and she flashed a wild stare at him. "Targets! You had better get out of my sight before I use this!" She snapped her wrist gracefully and pointed the dagger at his throat.

Zevran didn't flinch, his eyes gleaming with approval. Taking a step closer, he moved his throat to almost rest on the end of her steady blade. "A spirited minx, you are." The honey-dripping, almost _nauseating_ voice he used sent her over the edge.

"Leave. Right now! I will _never_ be just another notch on your belt," she hissed.

He cocked his head to the side. "No, you will not," he breathed as his hot breath blew across her cheek.

Elissa continued to hold the dagger securely and held her position as Zevran took a step back and turned on his heel to stride away.

His haughty laughter did nothing to ease her temper, but as she watched Leliana and Sten acknowledge his presence as he sat by the fire, she couldn't help but smile at his swagger. His eye caught her grin and she felt a rush of color to her cheeks, swearing to herself that she saw Zevran wink at her.

Eying his muscular figure and handsome features accentuated by the firelight, Elissa's mind drifted, wondering what it would feel like to brush against his bronzed skin if he flirtatiously put his hand on her knee. If he encircled her waist with his arm and pulled her a little closer, would his callused fingers offer a gentle caress or a rough stroke of desire?

"Snap out of it, you idiot!" she scolded herself aloud. Quickly, she slapped her hand over her mouth._ Oh Alistair, why did you go to sleep?_

Elissa dove into her tent to collect equipment for her watch. How this ruthless, yet somehow charming elf could possibly have an effect on her she couldn't figure. From now on though, she would be on guard at all times, careful to keep her thoughts in check whenever Zevran was close by.

_A/N: Thanks for the comments and alerts! And thank you, Biff McLaughlin, Queen Beta!_


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